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| The chapter is done.
This blog has been a forum of expression during a time of deep introspection. After several years of uncovering work, of bringing to light my inner darkness, of exploring the truth of my past, of my psyche, I feel I have come to a turning point, where I can now move on.
I find my attention finally turning outward now, and with this shift, the need to bring closure to the previous chapter. Where my path will bring me now, only Life will reveal.
To anyone reading this, may your Life bring you where you need to go.
Jade
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| One day, and there will come a day,
I will be re-united with the world from wence I came
It will no longer be but a passing miracle
but a sustained connection
to the earth
to my being
to the universe
The questions will be answered
the mysteries - revealed
My vagina
the root of my being
Will flow forth like a great ocean
I will be Woman
I will be Life
Creator - bearer of Life
flooding forth in a sea of blood
a life-giving scarlet sea
A love for all that is
all that was
all that will be
I will be... all I was... I am
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| Watch you as you drown in blood
I come... drawn to you... to the suffering cries of your country
The pain - carried in my uterus
like a pregnancy that just won't abort
What is this child
that I have carried?
What life have we created?
He and I?
Drawn now / I am / to his birth place
to a world where thousands upon thousands
were silenced, tortured until their screams died out
until they had no more voices.
Tell me
what it is that I am to create
borne of the suffering of these thousands
transmitted through the one
into my womb
like the very innocence,
that was taken away from him -
from his people.
Suddenly, I am drowned in the words
his language
his story
history
called to his land
to give birth
to the thing
the criatura
Which I have carried
for four years now
The date of my delivery
has not yet been set
but I feel it kicking
and I know where I must go
La Que Sabe...
She calls to me...
Her voice beckoning...
Valparaiso...
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| "Man's discovery that his genitalia could serve as a weapon to generate fear must rank as one of the most important discoveries of prehistoric times, along with the use of fire and the first crude stone axe. From prehistoric times to the present, I believe, rape has played a critical function. It is nothing more or less than a conscious process of intimidation by which all men keep all women in a state of fear"
-Susan Brownmiller
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| I've pulled a w a y from human interaction
to look within
the pit of my own despair
past
suffering
I've sifted through
memories
and ghosts
giving a voice
to all the characters
of my past
In the mirror
I see a face
The depth of my life
in the reflection
of an eye
I feel the pain in this body
this body
that I have struggled with
hated
a woman
I want to scream
This body doesn't belong
I do not want to be here
and yet I continue
with these arms
that are my own
these legs
this waist
these breasts that I would cut off like the hair that chained me to this womanhood
I do not want to be here
I was ripped out of the womb
fighting to get out - suffocating
and claustrophobic
but this place was no better
this scary scary world
with its monsters
and my starving belly
this place
where I was no longer fed
the cord ripped from me
and my mother's breast
unable to provide
I am here
contemplating
If I died tomorrow... in a month... in a year
what would it all have meant?
The only thing I can keep doing is dig
dig until I have uncovered all the dirt
the dark dingy corners
until there is nothing left
and the light of day is upon my insides.
regurgitate the truth
one fragment at a time.
I have chosen this path
and it has chosen me
there is nothing I can do, but see it through, until the end.
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